How to Annoy Your Favorite Characters
by Little Red Corvette
Summary: Ever wonder how to annoy our wonderful heroes  and villians ? Well now you know. With this neat guide, I'll give you fifty ways to irritate them to the point of pathetic tears! But beware: do not go after any of the Gone Characters unarmed.
1. Sam Temple

A/N: This has been done for other series, though not gone and not by me. ;) might continue.

Disclaimer: All I own is a sick sense of humor

XOXOXO

50 WAYS TO ANNOY SAM TEMPLE

1. Ask him whether his real father is Green Lantern.

2. Then ask him if he plans on joining Justice League when the FAYZ is over.

3. Forge a letter from Taylor, saying that they conceived her child the night he was drunk.

4. And that she wants to raise the child in a yellow house with a picket fence with Sam, and name him Kanye Eminem B.O.B. Lil Wayne T-Pain Temple.

5. But she'll call him K.E.B.L.W.T.P., for short.

6. Dress up as Drake with a rubber snake instead of a whip hand. Show up at his doorstep.

7. Then whip his face with the rubber snake, whilst shouting "DIE SAM DIE!"

8. Afterwards shed your costume for a blond Astrid wig and accuse/deny him physical affection.

9. Invent a new problem that the lazy residents of the FAYZ will whine for him to fix, because they're clearly not smart enough to fix it themselves.

10. Laugh when everyone forgets what heroic actions that he preformed in the book before and hates him again.

11. Question whether Diana's baby is his.

12. When he denies this, ask how long they've been having this steamy hot affair.

13. Next, wink and promise you won't tell Caine.

14. Procede to tell Caine.

15. Follow him around doing a fight scene, yelling "PEW!" whenever he blasts his green light.

16. And whisper "sizzle" whenever something burns.

18. Write a Saine fanfic.

19. Then gasp, point, and accuse him of incest.

20. Promise you won't tell Astrid.

21. Then rush to inform her of his sin.

22. Create a comic strip with the help of Howard entitled "The Adventures of School Bus Sam."

23. Publish it and make a fortune and literally rub the money in his face.

24. Burn his surf board.

25. Dance in the ashes.

26. Eat all of his nutella and yell "NOMNOMNOM" while a huge glob is in your mouth.

27. Do the same with his noodles.

28. When he kills you, come back immortal.

29. Then, just about as he's about to fry you, morph into a defenseless chubby christian girl.

30. And escape from the basement and lead an army of terrible man-eating bugs into town that he cannot destroy.

31. Tell him that you've developed useful mutant freak powers (even though you're a normal)

32. If he asks what, say that you've "developed the power of tricking people into thinking that you have powers."

33. Chuckle evily.

34. Attempt to take over Peridido Beach multiple times.

35. Fail miserably every time, except for the third time where you're demanding to be called "king".

36. Then bribe one of his own allies with bubble bath.

37. Ask him how he gets through airport security with his lasers.

38. Then act surprised when he tells you there's no airports in the FAYZ.

39. Smile, pat him on the back, and say "Wow, you've lost weight."

40. When he tells you he had been starving, ruffle his hair and say "good for you, Sam. I'm glad you've finally lost that baby fat."

41. Tell him that you're his long-lost tripplet.

42. Then scream, "HUG ME BROTHA!"

43. And sing a _very _familiar theme song, from a _very _familiar show.

44. Make a list of every failure he's had.

45. Start with surviving his mother's womb.

46. Remind him that Caine is the more attractive twin.

47. Lie that Caine and Astrid are having a secret romance.

48. Then photoshop a picture of them kissing.

49. Tear up, and call them such a "touching couple".

And finally...

50. Base an entire book series off of his misadventures.

XOXOXO

If I choose to continue I am doing Caine next XD


	2. Caine Soren

A/N: Heheh. Caine Soren is the best yet.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XOXOXO

WARNING: LITTLE RED CORVETTE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR AN EMOTIONAL AND/OR PHYSICAL DAMAGE THAT COMES WITH TAUNTING CAINE SOREN. THIS CHAPTER IS PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO EMULATE ANY OF THE THINGS YOU READ IN THE FOLLOWING LIST. OH, AND IF CAINE IS READING THIS, PLEASE SPARE ME MY LIFE. TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

50 WAYS TO ANNOY CAINE SOREN

1. Dress up as Diana and attempt to seduce him.

2. As he rejects you, run away screaming, "it's over Caine!" and burst into tears.

3. When he attempts to eat breakfast, turn off the lights.

4. Then ask him if he's "hungry in the dark".

5. Laugh at your own joke much longer than needed, just as I am as I write this sad excuse for a fanfic.

6. Tell him that he's secretly Darth Vader reincarnated.

7. If he denies it, tell him he's not supposed to remember because he's reincarnated. DUH.

8. Say, "how else would you know how to use The Force so well?"

9. Ask whether he, Drake, and Diana were ever in a love triangle...

10. ...that resulted in a bunch of poorly written teenage written books...

11. ...and a bunch of movies with a shirtless guy and a sparkling dude who shall both remain unnamed.

12. Shout, "who died and made you king of everything?"

13. Prepare to be chucked through a brick wall. If you survive, feel free to continue with #14.

14. Inform him that Diana left him for Sam and he's already impregnated her.

15. And sing an altered version of Michael Jackson's Billie Jean.

16. "Diana Ladris is so his lover! She's just a girl that claims that Caine is the one! But the kid is just Sam's son!" Then hide like a five year old girl with a fear of sociopaths.

17. Attempt to use your telekenisis on him.

18. When you fail, beg him if he can train you to become a Jedi like him.

19. Create a Draine fanfic.

20. Then say, "wow, Caine, I didn't know you were secretly gay for Drake!"

21. If he objects, pat him on the back and say,"it's okay. I support that kind of thing. Just let Diana down reeeeeeeaaaallllyyyyy gentle."

22. Draw Draine fanart and get a lot of postive comments on it, like, "OMGZ I LURVE DRAINE THEY R JUST SO PURFECT 4 EACH OTHER. UR A GOOOD ARTIST :))"

23. Remind him that his mother picked Sam over him.

24. And so did Diana; "maybe women just don't like you, eh?" *Friendly shoulder nudge*.

25. Let him know that he should really see some help for his sociopathic traits.

26. Give him Dr. Phil's card.

27. If he ever shows you his powers, ask him whether he does birthday parties.

28. And explain you have a brother, Joshie, who wants to have a good magician for his tenth birthday party and he seems like _just _the guy.

29. Make him a Napleon costume.

30. Beg him to talk with a french accent while he's wearing it.

31. And laugh in his face if he decides to do it.

32. Next time when he says "suck on that!" yell back, "no, that's Diana's job!"

33. Run like hell, bro. Run like hell.

34. Lie to him about having a deadly disease.

35. And about having a few small children on an island in your family who all resemble Bradgelina's children.

36. Pair him up with a Mary Sue in a fanfic to live out your most twisted fantasies.

37. Give the Sue a crazy name, like Purple Starlight or Izuhbelluh

38. Print it out, hand it to him, and call yourself an "author".

39. Get Sam and Caine to have family therapy.

40. Then force them into a brotherly hug.

41. With a serious face, ask him whether he could perhaps change his ways and become a better person.

42. While he's busy laughing, egg his house.

43. Invade his fragile with visions of your will, forcing the female antagonist to nurse him back to health. AGAIN.

44. Then force him to almost sacrifice both his life and his love interest's in an attempt to feed you a glow-in-the-dark snack.

45. Remind him off all the times Caine tried to take over, failed epicly, and Sam kicked his butt.

46. Then create a slideshow with pictures of Sam punching his face and otherwise pwning the younger Temple twin.

47. Set the song for the slideshow to be Cindy Lauper's "Time After Time".

48. Ask him if he has any other brother's that are better than him.

49. Such as Chuck Norris.

And finally...

50. Name him after a character in the bible that wanted to kill his own brother.

XOXOXO

Astrid the (so called) Genuis is next.


	3. Astrid Ellison

A/n: This chapter was so hard to write. But I pulled through.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XOXOXO

IF YOU HAVE SURVIVED ANNOYING CAINE SOREN (UNLIKELY) THEN YOU ARE READY FOR A LESS DAUNTING TASK: ANNOYING ASTRID ELLISION!

50 WAYS TO ANNOY ASTRID ELLISON

1. Let her know that you are "Team Taylor".

2. Create an entire stand where you sell Team Taylor hats, scarves, socks, posters, and T-shirts.

3. Attempt to convert everyone to Team Taylor.

4. Including herself.

5. If she attempts to give her one of her educational speeches, cover your ears and shout, "IT BURNS US!"

6. Better yet, let her finish and then declare "Cool Story Bro."

7. Inform her that Little Pete didn't create the FAYZ, Michael Grant did.

8. ...so she killed her little brother for nothing.

9. Film her emotional breakdown and post it to the internet and see how many "likes" it gets.

10. Buy an old school boombox and a Madonna Tape.

11. Blast "Like A Virgin" whenever she walks past.

13. Come up with a cute or "quirky" (coughcoughimmaturecough) nickname for her.

14. Such as Astroid the Penis.

15. Dye her blond hair brown.

16. Or better yet, hack it all off.

17. Justify your actions by saying you wanted her and Diana to be twins. You know, because they like each other _so _much.

18. Ask her how Little Pete is.

19. Collect her tears in a vile, and give them to Drake as a birthday present.

20. Tell her that you had a polynominal once...

21. ...but your doctor removed it.

22. Get Sam drunk and lock him in a dark room with her, and whisper, "you're welcome Sam."

24. Find a way to get him drunk again and make out with him on her lawn.

25. Next, walk up to her house and knock on the door. Ask if you can borrow some toothpaste.

26. Write a Samlor fanfic, where she gets hit by a bus and then eaten by Caine and Diana for nourishment.

27. Lost and confused, Taylor then decides to comfort him with her lips.

28. Mimic whatever she says in a high pitched voice whilst wearing a blond wig.

29. When she glares at you, ask "you can hear me?"

30. When she says yes, shout,"OMG! ASTROID CAN READ MINDS!"

31. Change your name to Howard.

32. Then, with the real Howard, interupt her speeches with loud snarky comments.

33. High-five after each snipe.

34. Question whether she's a real blond.

35. Then, check her roots to see if they're brown. Without warning, sniff her hair.

36. State,"hmmmm, you smell like strawberries. You must be a strawberry blond!"

37. Ask her if she's ever read the bible, because in most bibles "THOU SHALT NOT KILL" and "THOU SHALT NOT LIE" are in large capital letters that you have to be blind to miss.

38. Fall in love with her.

39. Then decide to make out with a twelve year old teleporting girl...

40. ...who doesn't know how to keep quiet for...

41. Explain that she seems to be the only female character that does not accomplish ANYTHING but griping and whining.

42. Use Diana, Lana, and Dekka as examples of characters who get things done...

43. ...like a boss.

44. Since she said she likes "classic" fiction, tell her to read the Twilight Series.

45. If she declines, drag her by her blond hair and read it out loud to her...

46. LIKE A BOSS!

47. Make her use the "R" word.

48. Burn her house down in an sick (failed) attempt to kill her and her 10-bar brother.

49. Whip her Sammy-kins.

50. Explain that MG dropped her power, because he "didn't think it was interesting."

XOXOXO

Diana (my favorite character) is next. And trust me, I have PLENTY of Diana jokes. ;)


	4. Diana Ladris

A/n: Funnest Chap ever

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XOXOXO

WARNING: MESSING WITH DIANA CAN RESULT IN SEVERE EMOTIONAL DAMMAGE. SHE MAY CALL YOU FAT. SHE MAY SAY THAT YOUR EYE SHADOW LOOKS LIKE IT CAME STRAIGHT OUT OF THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. SHE MAY EVEN INSULT YOUR MOTHER. PLUS, SINCE YOU'VE ALREADY ANNOYED CAINE, YOU DON'T WANT TO ANNOY DIANA WHICH WOULD ANNOY HIM (IF HE STILL CARES, THAT COCKY SON OF A...)

50 WAYS TO ANNOY DIANA SOREN...er LADRIS

1. Drag her to watch Juno.

2. Then say,"wow, you should make your own movie about your demon child!"

3. Cast Justin Bieber to star as her.

4. Tell her that Drake is your "homey"...

5. ...and that you think that what Diana says to him is hurtful and mean, and that maybe, just maybe if she would say something encoura...what am I saying? The kid is pure evil. Don't even bother with this one.

6. Explain that her and Caine "could've had it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall..."

7. "rooooooooooolling in the deeeeeeeeeeeeep..."

8. And "that he had her heart insiiiiiiiiiiiide his hand..."

9. ...but "he played it to the beat."

10. Attempt to take over the world, hailing yourself king.

11. But only after unwittingly impregnating her, of course.

12. Call her a "man eater".

13. Then add, "literally."

14. Question why people call her a witch so often...

15. ...when she's obviously a muggle.

16. Procede to show her your wand as proof of your pure-blood status.

17. Name her baby Drake.

18. And paint his/her right arm red.

19. Tell her that she feels inferior to you.

20. In your best Astrid impression.

21. Call her "Dirty Diana".

22. And procede to jump into rock and roll music and scream, "Dian-ow!" repeatedly.

23. Scratch that, call her prego.

24. Ask why she got pregnant, because she can't even be on 16 and Pregnant.

25. Even if the FAYZ was down.

26. Ask her if she'll have your children, too.

27. Bonus points if you happen to be female.

28. Explain how much you hate your classmate/co-worker.

29. Beg her to eat them.

30. With lots of salt.

31. Remind her that if she ever tries to move on in her love life, Caine will always be there...

32. ...to chuck her lover through a cement/brick wall of his choice.

33. And then Edillio will always be there to burry him when Caine is done.

34. Spread rumors that her baby is Drake's.

35. And that shortly before Caine's arivial Diana and Drake had a romance.

36. Write a fanfic entitled "Sick Obsessions, Odd Confessions"...

37. ...under the name "Little Red Corvette" so that Drake/Caine cannot hunt you down and brutally murder you in front of your friends/family.

38. Remind her that she has the suckiest power in the entire series.

39. "Seriously. No mind-reading, shape-shifting weather manipulation, or emotion controlling? You're lame."

40. Whilst she dresses, turn invisible and observe her.

41. Extra points if you're under ten.

42. ...or am named "Bug".

43. Tell her the real reason she got sent to Coates is because she has terrible taste in men.

44. "I mean, first Drake, now Caine?"

45. Then ask, "are you attracted to men with mental problems? Sadists and Sociopaths?"

46. Imitate her best quotes in a strange cross between a Southern and Austrailian accent.

47. Laugh in another accent of your choice when she gets angry.

48. Remind her that you're (insert name here) and you're the four bar.

49. ...and that you're the one running things.

And...

50. Point out that her last name doesn't exist in "real life".


	5. Edilio Escobar

A/N: Thanks for all the clever suggestions. I got a boat load of awesome reviews, some encouraging some slightly threatening. I'm doing Edillio, Quinn, and Lana next.

50 WAYS TO ANNOY EDILIO ESCOBAR

1. Be a complete racist jerk to him in the first book...

2. Because you're jealous that you're best friend, Sam is spending a lot of time with him...

3. ...because you secretly have a scandalous boy crush on Sam.

4. Pretend to die, and have him slave away in the intense California sun digging your grave.

5. Get up, brush yourself off, and yell "sike!" at an obnoxious volume.

6. Call him a Mexican like an ignorant fool like a certain person who's name begins with a Drake.

7. When he corrects you and says he's Honduran, say "Honduran? I thought you were German!"

8. Fall under the influence of a monster that lurks in a mine shaft.

9. Shoot him for no apparent reason.

10. If he talks to you in English, say you speak Spanish only.

11. Then, if he tries to talk to you in Spanish, say you only speak English.

12. During the next epic battle of the FAYZ, grab a microphone.

13. Perform your version of Eye of the Tiger during the middle of the fight, right next to him and his soldiers.

14. Next time when he's on his death bed, when he writes you to get Caine, follow his orders...

15. ...by coming back with a walking stick.

16. ^See what I did there? Laugh evily.

17. Oh, or better yet, destroy the note so that Diana Ladris and Caine Soren can live happily ever after on Fantasy Island without interuption. SO THAT EVERYBODY ELSE DIES! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

18. Become the strong yet modest leader of the "good guys".

19. Then run off on a suicide mission to get water, leaving power-less Edillio in charge to defend the town from a cough that makes you hack out your insides, giant man-eating bugs, and a whip-armed immortal sadist/insane pudgy Christian girl.

20. Run up to him, hug him, and tell him that you're his biggest fan.

21. Then, let go, blush, and say "Oh, I'm sorry, Edilio. I thought you were Caine. Do you know where I could find him?"

22. After he answers, laugh and point out the fact that Patrick has more fangirls then he does.

23. Call him "Sam's dog" in your "royal" speech...

24. ...like a boss...er...king.

25. Buy him a collar with a matching leash.

26. Tell him that Edilio means "like a statue".

27. Ask him whether he spends his time in parks, getting pooped on by native birds.

28. Question whether his last name is a fancy brand of foreign soap.

29. "ESCOBAR? I bet that's expensive! Are you parent's mega rich?"

30. When he's training you to be one of his soldiers, accidently shoot near him...

31. ...forcing him to dive into a pile of dog poop.

32. Compare him to Shang from Mulan.

33. Belt out "Make a Man Out of You" right in his ear in your most manly manish man voice.

34. Buy an adorable dog.

35. Name him Edilio.

36. Scream his name. When he comes rushing toward you, ready to see what the problem is, act annoyed. "I was calling my dog, moron."

37. Steal one of his soldiers guns and kill almost everybody in the FAYZ.

38. Then ride off into the sunset on a pimpin' motorbike with heavy metal music in the background.

39. Point out the fact that he's the only character that seems to be called racial slurs for no reason whatsoever...

40. ...multiple times.

41. Discover the rise of an undead brace-faced girl with him.

42. Force him to keep it a secret from the council and your nagging blond girlfriend.

43. Make an awesome, action movie about him and his soldiers...

44. ...and cast Justin Bieber to star as him.

45. Get suddenly uncreative and use ideas from past chapters in order to complete his chapter...

46. ...further disappointing all the lovely people that can actually stand this junk.

47. ^And that makes Edilio very, very sad. :(

48. Next time someone calls him Sam's sidekick, rent Sam a Batman costume and Edilio a Robin Costume.

49. Stick him with the fee of any damages caused by Sam's "magic hands".

And finally...

50. Almost kill him off in every other book, just because you can.


End file.
